Two Paths

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

and sorry I could not travel both

and be one traveler, long I stood

and looked down one as far as I could

to where it bent in the undergrowth

-Robert Frost

This poem might be one of the most quoted in the English language, but maybe that's because plenty of people have felt like this at one point or another. We all find ourselves at places where we will have to make difficult decisions that seem to be telling of the rest of our lives. This poem has been used in senior quotes, commencement speeches, pretty much everything that is used to inspire young people as they go into their lives.

However, despite the constant use of this particular work, I do not find it to be over-quoted. I think it means a lot to a lot of people because it is such an integral part of the human experience- trying to decide between two paths. And even though you can see the beginning of the path and your immediate future should you choose that path, you can't be sure where that path will lead.

I personally don't really believe in paths. Life is little more than a pathless random walk. You may think you're going one direction but not be at all. You never have just two choices and you're never stuck on a path. If you go down one road, you can get off of it. You might wander into the woods somewhere and not be sure where you are, but if you hate your current path, that is always a possibility. I think one of the worst things about college is that when people get out of it they think they're making a decision for the rest of their lives, that this decision is mutually exclusive from all other paths. Not so.

So enough abstraction. Let's talk about what's actually going on with me and why I need to think about paths and callings and the like.

Some people are lucky enough to have a calling. When I watched the HBO documentary "Gloria: In Her Own Words" about Gloria Steinem, I remember not only admiring all of the work that she did to further a cause that she believed in but also envying the fact that she had such a strong calling that she could throw her heart, soul, time and compassion into. She had the inspiration, drive and talent to accomplish more social organization and as a result change than most people can even dream of.

I, however, do not feel so lucky. As you well know, I would like to be a writer, preferably a comedy writer for television, and I am in the fetus stages of that career. I'm taking classes, trying to get funnier, trying to write as often as possible and networking a little bit. They are baby steps. The babiest of baby steps.

The scariest thing about entering a career like this is the sheer volume of people that are interested in the exact same thing. As I mentioned in an earlier post, when somebody asks me what I want to be when I grow up, it's hard for me to say "I want to be the next Tina Fey." Now that I've thought more about it, I realize that it's hard for me to say that because it's hard for me to believe that it's possible. When people have given me advice to "Believe in Yourself!" I never considered how difficult that truly is. I see all of the hundreds of people going through classes at Second City and iO, and I think about how many of us there are and how few Kristen Wiigs there are. Instead of visualizing myself as the person on top, I give myself the numbers, consider the probability. I guess I have to go the Han Solo route and never tell myself the odds.

So that's one path. Comedy! Writing! And I know the path will be very long before I find how fruitful my results will be.

Along with my fetus of a comedy career, I have recently begun searching for a "real job." I'm looking for a full time day job that would be challenging and interesting but also give me enough time to still work on my writing and pursue that. So I submitted my resume to Monster and pretty much immediately was contacted by about half a dozen companies who were recruiting and wanted to consider me for their positions. And people said this job search thing was hard? pah! Anyway, with this whole career question in the air and my first proactive step on the web, this week has been a very busy week.

On Monday, I had a meeting with a career counselor/therapist that my mother set me up with. I thought I would chat with him about what kind of a day job might fit my criteria, but we mostly talked about comedy and how to go about doing what I truly want to do. That was ok, because it really did inspire me to put myself out there when it comes to my dream career. He gave me an assignment to contact all of the writers I can and ask them about their jobs and about how they got to where they are. This has made me very nervous, but I think it will get easier and easier as it goes on.

Yesterday, I had an interview at a small financial firm. I've had an idea for a while that I might be interested in finance, so it was kind of cool that they called me and asked me into their office, although I was really nervous, since I don't have any experience in finance or in business at all. The interview was super long. First, I and six other candidates attended at 1.5 hour presentation about what the company does, what our role would be and what the recruiting process is like. I found out that the first 90 days is a lot of classes and tests, trying to get 4 certifications and that I would be working about 50 hours a week. After the presentation, we all sat in a room at completed an assessment that took about an hour and a half more. The assessment included an 18 minute math section that I thought I bombed. I finished first, but I was disheartened. I couldn't believe that I would do so badly on math, the one thing I am good at.

I sat in the lobby and waiting for the results of my assessment. I was called into the conference room with the recruiter. I was sure that the results would be terrible, that I would have scored very low. She told me "the assessment is on a scale of 1 to 10, and we look for people with a 5 or above." And all this time I'm thinking there's no way. "So you got a 9," she said. What? A 9? In an assessment of my compatibility with the industry, I received a 9 out of 10. I think it speaks to my intuition because I obviously have no training or experience in this field. Maybe I'm just well-suited to it. We made an appointment for a second interview the next day.

Today I went in for my second interview. It was relatively short. I met with another gentleman who works at the company and he explained to me what a typical workweek would look like. I was surprised to find out that this job would expect 60 hours per week from me. 60. Plus an hour commute both ways 6 days a week. For those of you doing the math at home, that is 72 hours a week. Needless to say, signing on to this job might be the nail in the coffin of my comedy pursuits. However, if I wanted to commit myself fully to finance, this job would be awesome. It is challenging and fast paced with a ton of invaluable training. And oh yeah, it pays pretty well too. I would get to learn new things all the time and work with many different types of people, and I think I would truly enjoy it as a profession.

So now here I am. I have the talent and the skill for one business, and I know that I could be successful at it within a couple of years. And then I have the inspiration to pursue something else, but it is unclear whether I will ever be successful at it. Should I pick the path that says "you can definitely do this today." Or follow the path that says "you will know if you've got what it takes in about 5-10 years." And if I don't take a day job in finance, will I be able to find a day job that will challenge me and interest me as much as this one has?

At this point, I am trying to keep my mind open to both options while exploring other leads I have for possible career paths that will not be as time consuming. I've got to shop around a little to see what I can get.

Modern Family, Yay!

I am so glad that Modern Family is back! The season 3 premier was fantastic, even though they replaced Lily (who had next to no expressions.) One of the best things about Modern Family is that it totally deserves that name, Modern. I love that Sofia Vergara is so sexy and at the same time so funny. To see a gorgeous woman who is more than a prop for phallocentric jokes is in itself progressive. I also love all of the conversation that arises as Cameron and Mitchell try to navigate creating their own type of family in a heteronormative world.

It's no surprise that Eric Stonestreet won an Emmy for his portrayal of Cam on Modern Family. He is easily one of the funniest parts of the show. As the nurturing stay at home dad who is as enthusiastic about glitter as he is about football, he brings a lot of flavor to the Pritchett family that he married into.

Mitch and Cam are constantly exploring their roles. With both partners identifying as the same gender, their roles are not written in pen in society's rulebook. They don't even have a rulebook. As Cam is the more nurturing of the two, he often fills the more motherly role, which leads to a hilarious Mother's Day episode where everybody is treating Cameron really nicely, buying him flowers and serving him breakfast in bed, and he protests that he is not a mother. It's hilarious. Watch it. Actually, watch any episode ever and you will probably fall in love with the show.

While I am cool with them exploring their family roles, I found the last episode a little offputting. Mitchell and Cameron are talking about adopting a baby boy, and Mitch gets worried that he doesn't like enough boy stuff and wouldn't be able to teach that to his new son. I just found it a little far-fetched that he would be worried about this. It goes along with his characteristic insecurity, but you'd think he would feel more comfortable with his abilities as a father, as he is a grown man. He likes musical theater, so who is to say that his son will prefer football and blowing things up to musical theater? Additionally, he knows that Cameron is into boy stuff, like sports, so why can't Cameron be that person in their son's life.

It's especially absurd because they had Lily and the same concerns didn't arise, even though neither of them are women. I'd think it would be more likely that if they did worry about this, they would worry more about the girl. Although, it wouldn't be as funny if they were worrying about bras and makeup for girls. It's much funnier to have Mitchell worrying about whether he is manly enough.

I find it hard to believe that a gay man in his 30s would be concerned about being masculine enough for his child. You would think that he would be glad to just be himself and show his child that regardless of traditional gender, you can be whomever you want to be, especially since Mitch has a hard time relating to his own father. Then again, none of my friends, gay or straight, are really starting families now, so perhaps they do consider this while having kids. I wouldn't know.

I think the thing that truly bothered me about this plotline is the implication that boys should learn boy things and girls should learn girl things. I hope that when I start a family someday, I will teach both my daughters and my sons at least basic sewing, just as I will wish both my daughters and my sons to be handy. Regardless of gender, they may be into sports or dance or theater or science, and I will try to be as supportive of their interests as possible.

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On an unrelated note, if you missed my post "why I hate Dating" over at my buddy Janie's blog, then check it out.

Training my Cat

This is my first post about my cat Olive, whom I got on August 27. I know what you're thinking... "Thank God I found a post about a cat! I love cats and can hardly find anything about them on the internet!" All I can say is, you're welcome.

Olive is very cuddly, but she's also very curious. Here's a picture of Olive the first time she got on top of the fridge. She is adorable, but she loves to explore high and low. Any time a cabinet is open, she does her best to get in it and poke around. This is super cute when I leave my drawers open and find her in them, as long as there's nothing in them that I want to keep away from her.

She is such a mischievous little kitty that I find it very amusing when she gets stuck in a paper bag. So amusing that I grabbed my iPhone rather than attempting to help her. Here is the video evidence:

Recently, Olive has developed an interest in eating, or attempting to eat, Mira's plants. We have been keeping them in a high place that we thought she couldn't get to, but she devised a way. See the photo below. The cat jumps from the ground, to the mantle and then from the mantle to the cabinet where the plants are.

Last night, I decided that this must end. While reading my book on the couch, I had a pint of water and a close eye on the cat. When Olive would eye the mantle and prepare to jump, I would sprinkle water on her head. When Olive would successfully make it on top of the cabinet, I poured a few ounces of water directly on her head. She learned quickly that she doesn't want to go up there because it rains up there.

Today, she hasn't even looked at the mantle. And don't worry, we're still friends despite the water.

And that is how you train your cat.

Birthday Blog Bonanza

Today, my lovely roommate Mira turns 23!

Happy birthday, girl!

Edward decided to surprise her this morning by hanging in the kitchen.

Edward's Birthday Surprise

The card says "Happy Birthday, Mira!" and Edward wrote a really sweet note telling her she smells "delicious as always." I was awoken by her gasp this morning upon discovering a man standing in the kitchen at 6am.

Me and Mira at my 22nd Birthday Celebration

Mira is the Yin to my Yang, and I am so happy to have her in my life. You go girl!

Also, I love birthdays and celebrations in general, and I am super excited for the party I have planned for tomorrow night!

Not a full blog, not on a scheduled day, but I believe in celebrating the people you love, and what is a more fitting time than a birthday?

Foray into Feminism: Recommended Reading

When I introduce myself as a feminist to many people, they don't exactly know what a feminist is. This is one in a series of posts about what it means to be a feminist and the basic principles and practices of many feminists today.

A couple months ago, a friend of mine (a male friend at that) asked me for some information about reading materials that could introduce him to feminism, asking, "I've always considered myself a feminist, but I realize I have no idea how it's formally studied or discussed, so I'm wondering where a good place to start would be." I am so glad he asked! And I am flattered that he asked me! I shared some of my favorite blogs and authors with him at the time, but I thought there might be more of my friends out there who want a firmer grasp on what it means to be feminist. Perhaps there are some people who would like to define their place in feminism and still others who want to know what it is that I get myself up to being a feminist.

You probably will start out reading online. Blogging is very important to modern feminism since new issues come up so fast and writers need a quick way to respond to news stories that may be portrayed in the media in a not-so-feminist light. Warning: feminist bloggers often blog for each other and other fledgling feminists, not for newcomers. You are going to read things right away that you don't totally agree with. I would recommend that right at the beginning, you don't comment on posts until you fully understand the vocabulary and premises that these posts are based on. If you still don't agree, comment away, but you know you have two ears and one mouth and you should always listen first.

To keep up to date with feminist news stories, I check feministing at least a couple times a week. Once you start digging into that site in particular you will find that modern feminism does not focus solely on women's rights, but has a big stake in LGBT rights as well. In fact, I find that feminism tends to examine all types of privilege in society, although it does focus on privileges related to sex and gender. Feministing profiles and interviews different people in the feminist community every week in a series called The Feministing Five. This will help introduce you to more feminist voices that you might find interesting.

I follow a few well-known feminists on Twitter. Heather Corinna, founder of Scarleteen, and Kate Harding, founder of Shapely Prose. Along with some other less active twitteristas, these two link me to articles everyday about what is going on in the world of feminism. They also retweet posts from other awesome feminists. I say this all the time, and I will say it again, I get more relevant information from Twitter than I would ever get from Facebook. A lot of that has to do with news stories relevant to my interests.

One of my favorite writers is Melissa McEwan, who manages to say so many things that I think and feel in a way more eloquent way than I ever could. Check out this piece that I come back to every couple of months. And check out this post on rape culture, in case you've never heard the term before or would like more eloquent descriptions of it. McEwan is, however, significantly farther to the left even than I am, so not every one of her posts is for me.

For a laugh, check out manboobz. This guy David Futrelle spends his time digging into men's rights forums and critiquing them. I usually enjoy it for a couple posts, but after reading for about ten minutes, I start to get really depressed that there are people out there who actually believe this stuff. I have no idea how he lives in that world every single day, but somebody has to do it.

For another laugh, but not very much commentary, check out not sexist, but... It's pretty hilarious, just Facebook statuses that include the words "not sexist but." They're pretty much always great.

Good luck and happy reading!

Favorite song lyrics of the summer

I love pop music. I accept it for what it is, fun and catchy. Because pop music artists have to crank out hit after hit in order to stay relevant, they don't seem to always pay attention to what they're writing. Their haste leads to some pretty silly words playing over the airwaves. And of course, summer is the prime time for pop music. So, since summer is winding down, here is a list of my favorite ridiculous lyrics from the summer:

1. "You're naked now!" -LMFAO, Party Rock Anthem
   I don't know if it's the shock of feeling like you're suddenly naked at the biggest dance party of the summer or the sheer joy with which he exclaims this lyric, but "You're naked now!" is number one on my list of favorite pop song lyrics this summer.
   
   
2. "Where my bottles? Bring them to me!" - Chris Brown, Yeah x3
   Who exactly is Chris Brown addressing? I imagine that the people in the club whom he asks for his bottles are not the people who are in charge of bringing him his bottles. This line makes him seem drunk enough that he doesn't need any more bottles.
   
   
3. "Grab somebody sexy, tell 'em 'Hey...'" - Pitbull, Give Me Everything
   Probably not the best plan for picking up women, but I think this whole song could be included on the most ridiculous list. This song makes the list for the logic alone. "The world might end, so we should have sex tonight, just in case," might have made a lot of drunk sense.
   
   
4. "Tell me what's next, Alien sex? Imma disrobe you, then Imma probe you" -Kanye West, ET by Katy Perry
   I am not entirely sure why Kanye would be featured as a rapper on anybody's song. I understand that he is a very famous rapper, but the problem is, he's really not very good at it. The reason he is famous is not because he raps well but because he produces well and makes distinctive music. So if you are going to hire somebody just for his rapping, why would you pick Kanye? If you don't think you agree with me, look back at his lyrics from 2009's Knocks You Down by Keri Hilson.
   
   
5. "Shut the goose up" -Nicki Minaj, Superbass
   Let's be honest, this needed to be said. That goose is completely inappropriate. Really, I can't stand it. I almost didn't want to say it because just talking about this goose pisses me off.

Bonus Monday Post! Is it still a bonus if I've missed the last two posts?

My Blogging History, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate Hipsters

I don't like using the word hate, especially to describe my own feelings. Certainly hate is a good mindset to avoid, but the most hateful experience I ever had came from the likes of a hipster. Only, the word "hipster" had not yet been popularized in my part of the country.

I was in ninth grade, or maybe tenth grade, and I was keeping a personal livejournal very different from this blog. I basically would share things about my day with my friends, and my blog was public because plenty of my friends didn't have livejournal, and I didn't want to force them to create accounts in order to follow my life. I also allowed anonymous comments for the sake of my friends.

At that time, I was kind of getting into new music, and when I started dating my high school boyfriend Jon, I got into a lot more music. Was I into really cool music in ninth grade? You bet your sweet bippy! My first concert was The Strokes in 2003. During freshman year, I attended a few more concerts and frequently blogged about them because they were the best time of my young life. Let me make this quite clear: I was not cool in high school. (I know, the fact that I kept a livejournal made you think that I was probably the coolest kid on the block, but alas it was not so.) I knew there was a thing called cool, and I kinda tried to do it, but I was not really talented in obtaining that, probably due to the trying thing. This blog was the most public forum in which I showed my insecurities, and it was by no means an attempt to impress anyone.

And then somebody began posting anonymously on my blog, and she was mean. To this day, I don't know who she was, but she was somebody from my junior high who had a big problem with me. I will never know why. She took issue with the fact that I seemingly "changed" when I got into high school and I was attempting to be "punk." (People didn't really use the term "hipster" or "indie" back then, but I think that would be a more fitting term for it.)

Here's a charming example of her overall bitchiness from July 10, 2004:

omg, you play guitar? to fit your new found image, you try too hard, but its funny. I bet you can even play a chord now! Please tell us when you learn to play a three chord song! omg maybe you will even become the next sheryl crowe!

And this gem about how people like me ruined Chuck Taylors:

I can't believe you think you are cool wearing pink converse...pink converse ruined Chuck Taylors are we know them, people like you and avril lavigne, goodcharlotte etc. ruined punk. YOU ARE A POSER. JUST FACE THE MUSIC (pop punk obviously) you don't know what the fuck you are doing, and if you went to a used concert or to warped tour you would be killed, and made fun of. You belong in theatre and ballet, don't rain on my parade and STOP RUINING EVERYTHING I LOVE YOU FUCKING POSER>aaaaaaah you anger me like no other.
I'm lizzie cross, i think i am punk, even though i only pretend in order to be popular, and i follow the trends. I pretend to be a punk because i want attention from my ex-boyfriend, altough he is a poser too! OMG JUST FUCK OFF AND GO BACK TO JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE,
you will never know the true meaning of converse, and obviously you are superficial if you want people to think your "converse" are dirty( i say this in quotation because pink converse aren't considered real, they are poser jessica simpson shit shoes)

(sic) for all of that, of course.

The funniest thing though, I was pathetic. I would openly admit to feeling pathetic on this blog, and this girl felt the need to tear me down more. I had much bigger fish to fry back then, and while it really bugged me that somebody would dislike me so much as to do that, there were plenty of things that were bringing me down more. I mean, let's be honest, high school is tough. Classes were harder than I could have imagined, and other personal shit was happening to me all at once. Today when I read my private diaries from then, I see that I was in such a dark place, I am barely recognizable.

Although my cyber bully was just being a mean girl and probably grew out of that phase in her life, and perhaps barely remembers it, my insecurities have been forever affected by those silly comments. Did she mean it? Was she just jealous? Was she dealing with her own shit? All of that is irrelevant since to this day my worldviews, and the way I view myself, are affected by it.

Her implication that my choice to change my image was somehow appropriating an underground "punk" culture for my own was perplexing. Apparently in that world, you have to be born punk. If you decide to get into new music when you are as old as 15, you are clearly being a poser.

Nowadays, I still have a bit of a complex that hipsters hate me because of this girl. The truth is, hipsters probably do not spend the energy hating me. They probably don't really even notice me, but I've always been wary of counter-culture type people, like hipsters, because of this young girl's criticisms years ago. In the back of my mind, a little bit of me assumes they have the same mindset as my anonymous commenter, that they think everybody should be raised indie or else they have no right listening to their special secret music.

And then there's the fact that every time I change my look, I fear that people will think I'm appropriating their special part of white privileged society, that I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. Of course, this doesn't get to me as much as it used to, but it's still there, in the back of my mind, reminding me that when I change my aesthetic, I might be "posing." Fortunately, I have come to terms with and even romanticized the fact that as humans we are constantly changing. Two years ago was when I really started getting into cosmetics, and look at me now, it is one of my favorite pastimes. I didn't self-identify as a feminist until college, and the more I have gotten into feminism, the happier it has made me (I hope to blog about that soon.) I love changing, being a different person every day, because for me the only way to be true to myself is to allow myself to change.

These are the little things that stick with you. There's nothing we can do to keep kids from bullying each other, but the ages between 10 and 16 is such a vulnerable time for development. Although I know the words of a young girl shouldn't have this much of an effect on who I am, my emotional memory will not soon go away.

It makes me wonder if there's anything mean I ever did to somebody that affected her forever. I hope not, and I know I never did something on this scale, but I wouldn't be surprised if everybody has made an offhanded bitchy comment that really stuck. If there's anybody out there like that, I apologize.

In case you're wondering, there is a small part of me that wishes I knew who it was. I honestly truly believe that she is not a horrible person. Almost everyone who is bitchy like that in early high school grows out of it by the time they graduate and grows into a nice, normal member of society.

If you're feeling brave, comment and share an experience from high school or earlier that has forever affected your self-esteem. Or you could leave a comment about a friend of yours. I would love to hear other similar experiences.