The Muppet Movie and What You Want

Let me preface this post by saying I LOVED The Muppets. It was completely wonderful and hilarious. Have you seen it yet? If not, go see it. Funny and fun for people of all ages. I can almost guarantee that you will enjoy it. Anyway, having said that, of course I have a problem with it.

Amy Adams is hilarious and adorable and a wonderful singer. In many ways, she is the perfect person to be in a kids movie! So why was her character barely a character at all? We get a little bit of motivation from her at the beginning but I guess the writers didn't want her to just be a woman waiting for a ring, probably because there is precedent for that, and it is not pretty*.

So then her motivation kind of stays but isn't really that strong and... she ends up with little character, just a cute face and a lovely singing voice.

So how does a body in a movie (or any story) become a character instead of a simple plot device? Motivation. If there is something that the character wants that motivates all of her actions, then she becomes a person, not just a prop. Oh, and by the way, Jason Segel, if you're reading this, I love you man, and I'm not blaming you. Writers do this all the time to the women in their stories, and rarely seeing full, human, motivated female characters can make it hard to write them.

Let's think about this. During any given day, what do you want? Seriously, make a list. There's the basics: food, shelter, sex. Then there are interpersonal relationship desires that are as diverse as people and their relationships can be: to win a parent's approval, to get your sister to admit she was wrong, to get an apology from your friend, to receive a compliment, to receive forgiveness for your wrongdoings. The list goes on and on.

In a Disney movie, women have far more limited desires, if any, and women in grown-up movies aren't that much different. If women are good, they can want love, also known as "magic" and "dreams" before they meet the prince. If women are bad, they can want beauty (after they've lost it due to pesky aging which turned them evil)... and that's pretty much it.

Although, I gotta give those female villains some credit. Sure, there's the implication that as women get older they can either become a fairy godmother who helps an ingenue or more likely a spiteful villain who tears her down out of envy. But at least the villains are active. And often they are very funny. The villains set the plot into action by pursuing what they desire. Motivation. Action. The two parts of a character's story. I can't help but be impressed with the one-upsmanship of the evilness of villains in Disney stories. From kidnapping little girls to pushing princesses out of a magical land and into Manhattan to attempting to turn puppies into coats. Puppies for God's sake!

Our female protagonists don't get the same kind of respect as motivation and action, and if they have motivation, they usually just want to get married. In romantic comedies, there is no desire big enough that it isn't just a front for wanting to get married. She wants to excel in her field? No, actually she just needs to learn to slow down and fall in love! She wants to fight crime at a Miss America-like Pageant? I think she needs one dude to turn her pretty and another dude to love her for it. She's already engaged and is spending a nice weekend with her family? Wrong, she's engaged to douchebag Bradley Cooper and just hasn't met the lovable liar and womanizer Owen Wilson yet! It's like screenwriters try to avoid the route of a woman only being motivated by catching a man, but all the solutions are still, you guessed it, catching a man.

I have a secret for you. I really hope this one doesn't get out, because it's actually pretty awesome. The secret to writing a great female character is to write a great character. Here's something to try: take that short story you haven't written yet or that screenplay or that sketch or that novel, and think about the male protagonist in your mind. Now ask yourself, why does he have to be male? In many cases, there is really no reason he has to be male.

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*Incidentally, I have a little rant about how this movie, which I watched on a plane, exemplifies everything wrong with romantic comedies. There are great romantic comedies out there, but they are few and far between, and this is certainly not one of them. If you would like to hear my rant about Leap Year, ask me sometime.

Time for Thanks

Hey, Thanks for reading my blog!

Let's give thanks. I love Thanksgiving. I think it's the simplicity of the Holiday that really makes it special. You get together with your family, some of whom you can hardly tolerate, according to popular American tradition. I am still young enough to really love every member of my family, but I assume I will start resenting them soon if movies and television are to be believed.

And yet, despite the fact that Americans tend to dislike their families in movies, our families and friends are often the first thing we can think to be thankful for. Family, friends and food. The three major things we are thankful for are also the center of the holiday, imagine that (Secondary list: wine, The Muppets, employment.) Thanksgiving is neither secular, nor do people accuse it of being "satanist" (like Halloween, horrible day.) And whether you're thanking God or not, taking a moment to humble yourself to the point of gratitude can't hurt every now ant then.

I don't think I will ever understand what possesses people to wake up at 2:30 AM the day after eating a giant tryptophan laced meal to be near the front of the line for "doorbuster" deals at Toys-R-Us or Kohls, but if that is part of their Holiday tradition, who am I to judge? My favorite cranberry sauce has pineapple in it, for Pete's sake! We all have our own holiday traditions, and unlike trashing sluts on Halloween or bad-mouthing the consumerism of Christmas, we accept others' traditions at Thanksgiving because we recognize that everyone has different backgrounds. Not sure why we feel the need to be judgey for pretty much every other major holiday, but who knows.

And, it is the start of when people actually tolerate all the Christmas stuff happening around the city. The restaurant I work at put up our decorations over a week ago, and when I go into work on Friday, I won't have to hear guests complain about how it's too early to decorate. Nobody can laugh at me for listening to the Christmas station or yell at me for singing "Oh Holy Night" at the top of my lungs. By the way, if anybody wants to go caroling or just get together and have a Christmas sing along, hit me up! I love singing, so why shouldn't I love the one time of year when my habit of wandering around singing will be a little less crazy and a little more cheery!

In other news, my Twitter followers may have already seen it, but I stumbled upon this bizarre cover of one of my favorite Christmas songs. It sounds like one of those terrible songs they play in the Juniors section of Macy's because the normal Christmas songs aren't "hip" enough for their clientele. But I kinda like it...

I am off to buy some peppermint schnapps to compliment my Williams-Sonoma hot chocolate that I will be drinking now.

Something I love: The Nerdist Writers Panel

There's this podcast that I am totally digging right now, and I thought I would share it with you since I always want to talk about things I'm listening to. It's like when I listen to NPR, I always want to talk about it, but I never know who to talk about it with.

I discovered this podcast through a fiction class I was taking at Story Studio Chicago. One of my classmates recommended it, despite the fact that it discusses television writing, a completely different medium than we were studying. As usual when somebody mentions a podcast, I was wondering "How the hell do people learn about podcasts?" I just have no idea who consumes podcasts and why and how they hear about them and when they consume them. All of these are a total mystery to me, but you know the story of how I discovered this one, and in case you're wondering, I'm listening to it during my relatively quick commute to work.

So anyway, the podcast is called The Nerdist Writers Panel and every episode, they have a panel of television writers discuss the business, their process, etc. It is completely fascinating. I obviously love television, and it is what I would like to be doing eventually, so knowing a few tips and familiarizing myself with the business can't hurt. However, the podcast is very interesting even if you don't want to get into the business and perhaps even if you don't enjoy television (I've heard these people exist.)

I am thrilled that they often have Buffy writers on the series. As a huge Buffy fan, I can understand all of the examples that they use from the series. It's also pretty awesome to hear about how the show worked when it was being written, and it's nice to know that it was generally a positive experience for all involved. Although, you can never really be sure because one of the first things you pick up on is that working TV writers have to remain positive at all times. Apparently publicly trash talking people you've worked with is not a good way to find more work in the future. Who knew.

I've also been gaining a lot of knowledge about how to break into the writing for TV business, but I will not be sharing that here, mostly because I fear that it's stuff that everybody knows, and I would sound like an idiot being like "Hey, do you know what a spec script is?" And perhaps, ultimately, that's the reason why I don't talk about things I've learned. I fear that other people already know them.

Anyway, check it out. It's super entertaining. You can find it on iTunes and put it on your mp3 player or phone for your commute, just like I did. It's kind of hard for me to just sit and listen to it when I'm at home, since I figure I need more stimulus, but it also functions as a nice distraction while I'm working out (never.)

I'm turning into my mom...

Do you ever have those moments where you go "Oh my god, I'm turning into my parents!" Well, my mom and I have always looked alike, and we have a lot in common, both in interests and personality, so it's not really surprising that I'm turning into her. Here are my moments of realization that, wow, I really am going to be just like that lady:

I forgot about a cup of coffee in the microwave today. About 20% of the time, if it is in the afternoon and I happen to be at my parents house, the house I grew up in since I was 9 months old, I will find something forgotten in the microwave. It is often coffee, but sometimes it is leftovers that she hasn't yet remembered to eat for lunch during her hectic schedule of accomplishing everything. She could win any contest at getting things done, but "Remember that coffee in the microwave" doesn't show up on her todo list.

I sing the weirdest songs to my cat. As long as I have been alive, my mom has had a silly streak. Whether it's singing to the dog or still to this day refering to me as "Wizzers," she just may be the goofiest person I have ever lived with. She turns everything into a song, whether anybody is listening or not. I have always been a fan of singing, and around my new cat Olive, my singing has gotten sillier and sillier.

Despite her silliness, I must recognize that I could do much worse than to turn into my mom. Remember that old Army slogan "We do more before 9am than most people do all day?" That's her. She is one of the most efficient people I know. She finds time to be silly, and I'm lucky to be so close with her.

Me and mom after our travels through Europe.

Young Comedienne Seeks Writing Buddy

I'm going to apologize for the unfocused post this week. Just trying to get myself to write SOMETHING.

Happy November Everyone! Just like I love the start of a new year, new week, new school year, I love the start of a new month. This month, I have banned myself from shopping and from getting lattes at starbucks. I'll update you on how well that one goes... Budgeting is surprisingly enjoyable for me.

It's also National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), for anybody else out there who is a writer, there's your challenge. I won't be writing a novel, but I will be attempting to create a good amount of content in non text message form. I realized recently that I probably write more in text messages than anything else, not that there's anything wrong with that.

I am very envious of people who have strong writing partnerships, like John and Paul or Trey and Matt or Batman and Robin. I got into group writing while working with Lenny Dee at Carleton. While Lenny Dee had some bumps in the road during the writing and editing process, I really miss writing with them. Spending four hours a week creating content with my friends was at once enjoyable and productive. In the wide world of Chicago where everybody wants to "make it" and we all have different experience levels, it's tough to find people I gel with that get me excited about their work. When I do find people that I think are funny or I would like to collab with, they are normal people with normal jobs who work during the day, not write all day.

I figure finding collaborators should get easier, but I worry that I'm not being proactive enough about the whole process. Most times when I meet people in classes, it takes a lot of effort to break through the initial awkwardness, which I always feel is my fault, although I suppose in awkward encounters, it might be the fault of both parties. I suppose finding people who want to be funny with you is just a more selective version of attempting to find new friends, which is difficult as well.

As the new month begins, I have so many big goals. I am suddenly motivated to do laundry, even though I have a few days of underwear left (too much information? or is honesty really the best policy?) I am continuing my job search and redefining my "brand" as a candidate (biggest headache ever.) And I am going to get back on track with writing, right? Right! I'll write a song, and sketches every week, and I'll make a video... Oh, and the perpetual goal that always arises while making goals: I will work out more! Now, I am reminded of this comic. Sighs.

Unsurprisingly, while working 30-35 hours/week, all of these goals can be accomplished by creating a routine for each one and incrementally increasing it, rather than saying "I will wake up, go for an hour run, do forty minutes of yoga, then write for the rest of the day. I can probably write a post and 85 sketches before I have to go to work!" But it is so tempting to become completely awesome all at once rather than being realistic by running two miles and writing for 15 minutes. The money thing (no shopping, no lattes) I can do because there is an end to it, and very clearly defined rules. I know I get to shop in December for Christmas, and I can start a wishlist.

So these are my goals, and then myself dooming my goals all in the same post. And somewhere in there I talk about wanting creative partners.

But hey, there's hope. It's 10am and I've already written a post, not a great post, but it is a post.

(image from the comic linked above, Hyperbole and a Half)

Edit- since I wrote this post, I have installed Nanny for Google Chrome, to make sure I keep my facebook, hulu and reddit time in check!

Love your body!

Yesterday was national Love Your Body Day, but I didn't know until it was too late to post, as I was hella busy yesterday. I figured I should post my thoughts anyway, since this topic is near and dear to my heart.

I am currently in the middle of reading Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce with your Body by Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby. Upon explaining the subject matter, fat acceptance and loving your body, to a friend of mine, he responded "But you're not fat!" I know, I am not fat by any stretch of the imagination, unless you were to compare me to a ballet dancer or a runway model. However, body positivity is still important to me as it is important to everyone. Despite the fact that I am not fat, standing up and saying "I love my body just the way it is" is a radical choice. The media, society and even your friends and family put pressure on you to look a certain way and weigh a certain amount (especially if you're a woman.) I must recommend, no matter what size you are, check out Health at Every Size, if you're tired of people equating thinness with health, if you're tired of depriving yourself in the name of a diet, and if you're tired of exercising for fitness and exercising for vanity being considered the same thing. And how can that be surprising, since in our culture "fit" usually means "thin" by some measure?

Nobody benefits from a huge cultural lie that only a size 2 is healthy. That lets size 2 ladies off the hook for never exercising (cough, cough me in college) and ladies who will never be a size 2 aren't allowed to feel great in their bodies, even when their bodies (regardless of size) are in great shape.

I love my body. I like the way it looks, especially the parts that never get complimented by men. It's like those parts are truly mine. If a part of my body never gets complimented, my ribs for instance, then it is truly mine to love because I love it, not because somebody told me to love it.

I love focusing on what my body can do. I have found that the more I focus on my body's abilities rather than it's size (girth, height, weight) the happier I am with my body. Going for a run doesn't make me feel better because I'll lose weight or "tone up;" It feels great because no matter what size my thighs are, they have amazing abilities to carry me far and fast. I am so proud of myself for having completed the Carleton Triathlon in June. I managed to mentally and physically bring myself to the point of being able to work out for nearly four hours, despite my previous hate of running and sports.

Today, if you're feeling brave, pick a body part that you usually can't stand the look of. Check it out in the mirror and thank it for being there. This is your body. It is the one and only vehicle you have to go through life. Thank that body part that you previously wished you could get rid of. Thank it for what it does for you and why it exists within this whole wonderful machine that gives you so much. And give back to your body. Eat something that you know makes it feel great. Do a type of physical activity that puts your mind and body in perfect harmony. We can all get gloomy in this type of weather, and getting up and moving tends to help (Says the girl who is sitting in front of her computer at 12:20PM)

The more you love your body, the better you feel and even look. Good Luck!

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Name droppy side note: I went to see TJ & Dave last night, and Tracy Letts was there instead of TJ. I missed TJ, of course, but I gotta admit, it was pretty awesome. Most people won't get this, but it was awesome.

Halloween costume ideas! Mini Hats!

This year, tiny hats are big. No, not big, they're so huge, they're tiny! I didn't realize until I visited a Spirit Halloween Shop a couple days ago that tiny hats are far sexier than normal sized hats. It's not enough to wear a mini dress that vaguely resembles an iconic character, oh no. To take your sexy factor above and beyond, make sure to wear the littlest hat you can find!

Mini Cowgirl Hat!

Want to distract people from the fact that cowgirls never existed and your mini skirt is completely impractical for horseback riding? Grab this sexy tiny hat! All of the other historical inaccuracies won't be able to keep their hands off of you!

Mini Witch Hat!

With this tiny hat, you'll cast a spell over all of the douchebags who refused to put on any kind of decent costume! (ooh, you're a warewolf, but it's not a full moon, that's so fucking clever!) Willow would be proud.

Slightly Less Mini Top Hat!

If you're a little more alternative, check out this gothic slightly larger top hat! This hat exists in between the realm of a normal sized hat and a mini hat. It may actually be a baby hat or a dog hat and the web site either got confused or decided to market it to grown women anyway. Either way, this shit is hot! Snatch it up soon, because this mini-ish hat is flying off the shelves!

Happy Halloween, beeches!

Urban Adventuring! Tuesday Afternoon

On Tuesday, I went on an awesome Chicago adventure with my house guest Erica! Erica and Mira were close friends at Carleton before Erica transferred to RISD junior year. Although Erica and I were never close at Carleton, we found that we got along famously when she came for a visit this week. Don't you love when that happens?

Anyway, we decided to go exploring on Tuesday while Mira was working and before I went to work. Erica wanted to see the bean, and on the way down there, I suggested we stop in the Chicago Cultural Center. I've been meaning to go to the Chicago Cultural Center just to check it out for a while but hadn't made it there yet.

All I can say is woah! That place is incredible. Maybe I am the only one out of the loop (pun not intended, but awesome,) but I can't believe I've lived in the Chicago area for so long and I have never been here before. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

The Chicago Cultural Center is located in the former Chicago Public Library, and it still feels pretty library-ish in the best way. The environment feels quiet and very calming. There are art galleries on two different floors, and everything is free free free! The first thing we saw was Project Onward, a studio and gallery for artists with developmental disabilities. Some of the art was stunning, some of the art was weird, and all of the art was inspiring.

Afterwards, we walked up the stairs to another gallery which featured different words as art. That's not the best way to explain it, but I'm not a visual art person. Just believe me, it was cool.

What followed was some fun touristy bean-looking (as well as photo-taking) and some Anthropologie window shopping, which was depressing as usual.

If you find yourself with nothing to do in downtown Chicago, you've got to hit the Chicago Cultural Center. It might not be a secret, but considering I've never been, I'm sure some of you haven't either. There's free wifi and a calming atmosphere, so if you're unemployed or underemployed like me, go on over and do your job search there, I mean, why not? After all, you can't do all of your homework at the same Starbucks every week!

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Additional grown-up note of the day: rather than spending $3 on one, I decided to attempt to make my own skim latte today. It went alright, although I don't think my steamer is working, so there was some microwave time involved...

Oh, and as an update, I got the job offer, but I am going to decline. I would not have enough time to focus on my writing, and at this point, I still have the privilege to prioritize.

Two Paths

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

and sorry I could not travel both

and be one traveler, long I stood

and looked down one as far as I could

to where it bent in the undergrowth

-Robert Frost

This poem might be one of the most quoted in the English language, but maybe that's because plenty of people have felt like this at one point or another. We all find ourselves at places where we will have to make difficult decisions that seem to be telling of the rest of our lives. This poem has been used in senior quotes, commencement speeches, pretty much everything that is used to inspire young people as they go into their lives.

However, despite the constant use of this particular work, I do not find it to be over-quoted. I think it means a lot to a lot of people because it is such an integral part of the human experience- trying to decide between two paths. And even though you can see the beginning of the path and your immediate future should you choose that path, you can't be sure where that path will lead.

I personally don't really believe in paths. Life is little more than a pathless random walk. You may think you're going one direction but not be at all. You never have just two choices and you're never stuck on a path. If you go down one road, you can get off of it. You might wander into the woods somewhere and not be sure where you are, but if you hate your current path, that is always a possibility. I think one of the worst things about college is that when people get out of it they think they're making a decision for the rest of their lives, that this decision is mutually exclusive from all other paths. Not so.

So enough abstraction. Let's talk about what's actually going on with me and why I need to think about paths and callings and the like.

Some people are lucky enough to have a calling. When I watched the HBO documentary "Gloria: In Her Own Words" about Gloria Steinem, I remember not only admiring all of the work that she did to further a cause that she believed in but also envying the fact that she had such a strong calling that she could throw her heart, soul, time and compassion into. She had the inspiration, drive and talent to accomplish more social organization and as a result change than most people can even dream of.

I, however, do not feel so lucky. As you well know, I would like to be a writer, preferably a comedy writer for television, and I am in the fetus stages of that career. I'm taking classes, trying to get funnier, trying to write as often as possible and networking a little bit. They are baby steps. The babiest of baby steps.

The scariest thing about entering a career like this is the sheer volume of people that are interested in the exact same thing. As I mentioned in an earlier post, when somebody asks me what I want to be when I grow up, it's hard for me to say "I want to be the next Tina Fey." Now that I've thought more about it, I realize that it's hard for me to say that because it's hard for me to believe that it's possible. When people have given me advice to "Believe in Yourself!" I never considered how difficult that truly is. I see all of the hundreds of people going through classes at Second City and iO, and I think about how many of us there are and how few Kristen Wiigs there are. Instead of visualizing myself as the person on top, I give myself the numbers, consider the probability. I guess I have to go the Han Solo route and never tell myself the odds.

So that's one path. Comedy! Writing! And I know the path will be very long before I find how fruitful my results will be.

Along with my fetus of a comedy career, I have recently begun searching for a "real job." I'm looking for a full time day job that would be challenging and interesting but also give me enough time to still work on my writing and pursue that. So I submitted my resume to Monster and pretty much immediately was contacted by about half a dozen companies who were recruiting and wanted to consider me for their positions. And people said this job search thing was hard? pah! Anyway, with this whole career question in the air and my first proactive step on the web, this week has been a very busy week.

On Monday, I had a meeting with a career counselor/therapist that my mother set me up with. I thought I would chat with him about what kind of a day job might fit my criteria, but we mostly talked about comedy and how to go about doing what I truly want to do. That was ok, because it really did inspire me to put myself out there when it comes to my dream career. He gave me an assignment to contact all of the writers I can and ask them about their jobs and about how they got to where they are. This has made me very nervous, but I think it will get easier and easier as it goes on.

Yesterday, I had an interview at a small financial firm. I've had an idea for a while that I might be interested in finance, so it was kind of cool that they called me and asked me into their office, although I was really nervous, since I don't have any experience in finance or in business at all. The interview was super long. First, I and six other candidates attended at 1.5 hour presentation about what the company does, what our role would be and what the recruiting process is like. I found out that the first 90 days is a lot of classes and tests, trying to get 4 certifications and that I would be working about 50 hours a week. After the presentation, we all sat in a room at completed an assessment that took about an hour and a half more. The assessment included an 18 minute math section that I thought I bombed. I finished first, but I was disheartened. I couldn't believe that I would do so badly on math, the one thing I am good at.

I sat in the lobby and waiting for the results of my assessment. I was called into the conference room with the recruiter. I was sure that the results would be terrible, that I would have scored very low. She told me "the assessment is on a scale of 1 to 10, and we look for people with a 5 or above." And all this time I'm thinking there's no way. "So you got a 9," she said. What? A 9? In an assessment of my compatibility with the industry, I received a 9 out of 10. I think it speaks to my intuition because I obviously have no training or experience in this field. Maybe I'm just well-suited to it. We made an appointment for a second interview the next day.

Today I went in for my second interview. It was relatively short. I met with another gentleman who works at the company and he explained to me what a typical workweek would look like. I was surprised to find out that this job would expect 60 hours per week from me. 60. Plus an hour commute both ways 6 days a week. For those of you doing the math at home, that is 72 hours a week. Needless to say, signing on to this job might be the nail in the coffin of my comedy pursuits. However, if I wanted to commit myself fully to finance, this job would be awesome. It is challenging and fast paced with a ton of invaluable training. And oh yeah, it pays pretty well too. I would get to learn new things all the time and work with many different types of people, and I think I would truly enjoy it as a profession.

So now here I am. I have the talent and the skill for one business, and I know that I could be successful at it within a couple of years. And then I have the inspiration to pursue something else, but it is unclear whether I will ever be successful at it. Should I pick the path that says "you can definitely do this today." Or follow the path that says "you will know if you've got what it takes in about 5-10 years." And if I don't take a day job in finance, will I be able to find a day job that will challenge me and interest me as much as this one has?

At this point, I am trying to keep my mind open to both options while exploring other leads I have for possible career paths that will not be as time consuming. I've got to shop around a little to see what I can get.

Modern Family, Yay!

I am so glad that Modern Family is back! The season 3 premier was fantastic, even though they replaced Lily (who had next to no expressions.) One of the best things about Modern Family is that it totally deserves that name, Modern. I love that Sofia Vergara is so sexy and at the same time so funny. To see a gorgeous woman who is more than a prop for phallocentric jokes is in itself progressive. I also love all of the conversation that arises as Cameron and Mitchell try to navigate creating their own type of family in a heteronormative world.

It's no surprise that Eric Stonestreet won an Emmy for his portrayal of Cam on Modern Family. He is easily one of the funniest parts of the show. As the nurturing stay at home dad who is as enthusiastic about glitter as he is about football, he brings a lot of flavor to the Pritchett family that he married into.

Mitch and Cam are constantly exploring their roles. With both partners identifying as the same gender, their roles are not written in pen in society's rulebook. They don't even have a rulebook. As Cam is the more nurturing of the two, he often fills the more motherly role, which leads to a hilarious Mother's Day episode where everybody is treating Cameron really nicely, buying him flowers and serving him breakfast in bed, and he protests that he is not a mother. It's hilarious. Watch it. Actually, watch any episode ever and you will probably fall in love with the show.

While I am cool with them exploring their family roles, I found the last episode a little offputting. Mitchell and Cameron are talking about adopting a baby boy, and Mitch gets worried that he doesn't like enough boy stuff and wouldn't be able to teach that to his new son. I just found it a little far-fetched that he would be worried about this. It goes along with his characteristic insecurity, but you'd think he would feel more comfortable with his abilities as a father, as he is a grown man. He likes musical theater, so who is to say that his son will prefer football and blowing things up to musical theater? Additionally, he knows that Cameron is into boy stuff, like sports, so why can't Cameron be that person in their son's life.

It's especially absurd because they had Lily and the same concerns didn't arise, even though neither of them are women. I'd think it would be more likely that if they did worry about this, they would worry more about the girl. Although, it wouldn't be as funny if they were worrying about bras and makeup for girls. It's much funnier to have Mitchell worrying about whether he is manly enough.

I find it hard to believe that a gay man in his 30s would be concerned about being masculine enough for his child. You would think that he would be glad to just be himself and show his child that regardless of traditional gender, you can be whomever you want to be, especially since Mitch has a hard time relating to his own father. Then again, none of my friends, gay or straight, are really starting families now, so perhaps they do consider this while having kids. I wouldn't know.

I think the thing that truly bothered me about this plotline is the implication that boys should learn boy things and girls should learn girl things. I hope that when I start a family someday, I will teach both my daughters and my sons at least basic sewing, just as I will wish both my daughters and my sons to be handy. Regardless of gender, they may be into sports or dance or theater or science, and I will try to be as supportive of their interests as possible.

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On an unrelated note, if you missed my post "why I hate Dating" over at my buddy Janie's blog, then check it out.

Training my Cat

This is my first post about my cat Olive, whom I got on August 27. I know what you're thinking... "Thank God I found a post about a cat! I love cats and can hardly find anything about them on the internet!" All I can say is, you're welcome.

Olive is very cuddly, but she's also very curious. Here's a picture of Olive the first time she got on top of the fridge. She is adorable, but she loves to explore high and low. Any time a cabinet is open, she does her best to get in it and poke around. This is super cute when I leave my drawers open and find her in them, as long as there's nothing in them that I want to keep away from her.

She is such a mischievous little kitty that I find it very amusing when she gets stuck in a paper bag. So amusing that I grabbed my iPhone rather than attempting to help her. Here is the video evidence:

Recently, Olive has developed an interest in eating, or attempting to eat, Mira's plants. We have been keeping them in a high place that we thought she couldn't get to, but she devised a way. See the photo below. The cat jumps from the ground, to the mantle and then from the mantle to the cabinet where the plants are.

Last night, I decided that this must end. While reading my book on the couch, I had a pint of water and a close eye on the cat. When Olive would eye the mantle and prepare to jump, I would sprinkle water on her head. When Olive would successfully make it on top of the cabinet, I poured a few ounces of water directly on her head. She learned quickly that she doesn't want to go up there because it rains up there.

Today, she hasn't even looked at the mantle. And don't worry, we're still friends despite the water.

And that is how you train your cat.

Birthday Blog Bonanza

Today, my lovely roommate Mira turns 23!

Happy birthday, girl!

Edward decided to surprise her this morning by hanging in the kitchen.

Edward's Birthday Surprise

The card says "Happy Birthday, Mira!" and Edward wrote a really sweet note telling her she smells "delicious as always." I was awoken by her gasp this morning upon discovering a man standing in the kitchen at 6am.

Me and Mira at my 22nd Birthday Celebration

Mira is the Yin to my Yang, and I am so happy to have her in my life. You go girl!

Also, I love birthdays and celebrations in general, and I am super excited for the party I have planned for tomorrow night!

Not a full blog, not on a scheduled day, but I believe in celebrating the people you love, and what is a more fitting time than a birthday?

Foray into Feminism: Recommended Reading

When I introduce myself as a feminist to many people, they don't exactly know what a feminist is. This is one in a series of posts about what it means to be a feminist and the basic principles and practices of many feminists today.

A couple months ago, a friend of mine (a male friend at that) asked me for some information about reading materials that could introduce him to feminism, asking, "I've always considered myself a feminist, but I realize I have no idea how it's formally studied or discussed, so I'm wondering where a good place to start would be." I am so glad he asked! And I am flattered that he asked me! I shared some of my favorite blogs and authors with him at the time, but I thought there might be more of my friends out there who want a firmer grasp on what it means to be feminist. Perhaps there are some people who would like to define their place in feminism and still others who want to know what it is that I get myself up to being a feminist.

You probably will start out reading online. Blogging is very important to modern feminism since new issues come up so fast and writers need a quick way to respond to news stories that may be portrayed in the media in a not-so-feminist light. Warning: feminist bloggers often blog for each other and other fledgling feminists, not for newcomers. You are going to read things right away that you don't totally agree with. I would recommend that right at the beginning, you don't comment on posts until you fully understand the vocabulary and premises that these posts are based on. If you still don't agree, comment away, but you know you have two ears and one mouth and you should always listen first.

To keep up to date with feminist news stories, I check feministing at least a couple times a week. Once you start digging into that site in particular you will find that modern feminism does not focus solely on women's rights, but has a big stake in LGBT rights as well. In fact, I find that feminism tends to examine all types of privilege in society, although it does focus on privileges related to sex and gender. Feministing profiles and interviews different people in the feminist community every week in a series called The Feministing Five. This will help introduce you to more feminist voices that you might find interesting.

I follow a few well-known feminists on Twitter. Heather Corinna, founder of Scarleteen, and Kate Harding, founder of Shapely Prose. Along with some other less active twitteristas, these two link me to articles everyday about what is going on in the world of feminism. They also retweet posts from other awesome feminists. I say this all the time, and I will say it again, I get more relevant information from Twitter than I would ever get from Facebook. A lot of that has to do with news stories relevant to my interests.

One of my favorite writers is Melissa McEwan, who manages to say so many things that I think and feel in a way more eloquent way than I ever could. Check out this piece that I come back to every couple of months. And check out this post on rape culture, in case you've never heard the term before or would like more eloquent descriptions of it. McEwan is, however, significantly farther to the left even than I am, so not every one of her posts is for me.

For a laugh, check out manboobz. This guy David Futrelle spends his time digging into men's rights forums and critiquing them. I usually enjoy it for a couple posts, but after reading for about ten minutes, I start to get really depressed that there are people out there who actually believe this stuff. I have no idea how he lives in that world every single day, but somebody has to do it.

For another laugh, but not very much commentary, check out not sexist, but... It's pretty hilarious, just Facebook statuses that include the words "not sexist but." They're pretty much always great.

Good luck and happy reading!

Favorite song lyrics of the summer

I love pop music. I accept it for what it is, fun and catchy. Because pop music artists have to crank out hit after hit in order to stay relevant, they don't seem to always pay attention to what they're writing. Their haste leads to some pretty silly words playing over the airwaves. And of course, summer is the prime time for pop music. So, since summer is winding down, here is a list of my favorite ridiculous lyrics from the summer:

1. "You're naked now!" -LMFAO, Party Rock Anthem
   I don't know if it's the shock of feeling like you're suddenly naked at the biggest dance party of the summer or the sheer joy with which he exclaims this lyric, but "You're naked now!" is number one on my list of favorite pop song lyrics this summer.
   
   
2. "Where my bottles? Bring them to me!" - Chris Brown, Yeah x3
   Who exactly is Chris Brown addressing? I imagine that the people in the club whom he asks for his bottles are not the people who are in charge of bringing him his bottles. This line makes him seem drunk enough that he doesn't need any more bottles.
   
   
3. "Grab somebody sexy, tell 'em 'Hey...'" - Pitbull, Give Me Everything
   Probably not the best plan for picking up women, but I think this whole song could be included on the most ridiculous list. This song makes the list for the logic alone. "The world might end, so we should have sex tonight, just in case," might have made a lot of drunk sense.
   
   
4. "Tell me what's next, Alien sex? Imma disrobe you, then Imma probe you" -Kanye West, ET by Katy Perry
   I am not entirely sure why Kanye would be featured as a rapper on anybody's song. I understand that he is a very famous rapper, but the problem is, he's really not very good at it. The reason he is famous is not because he raps well but because he produces well and makes distinctive music. So if you are going to hire somebody just for his rapping, why would you pick Kanye? If you don't think you agree with me, look back at his lyrics from 2009's Knocks You Down by Keri Hilson.
   
   
5. "Shut the goose up" -Nicki Minaj, Superbass
   Let's be honest, this needed to be said. That goose is completely inappropriate. Really, I can't stand it. I almost didn't want to say it because just talking about this goose pisses me off.

Bonus Monday Post! Is it still a bonus if I've missed the last two posts?

My Blogging History, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate Hipsters

I don't like using the word hate, especially to describe my own feelings. Certainly hate is a good mindset to avoid, but the most hateful experience I ever had came from the likes of a hipster. Only, the word "hipster" had not yet been popularized in my part of the country.

I was in ninth grade, or maybe tenth grade, and I was keeping a personal livejournal very different from this blog. I basically would share things about my day with my friends, and my blog was public because plenty of my friends didn't have livejournal, and I didn't want to force them to create accounts in order to follow my life. I also allowed anonymous comments for the sake of my friends.

At that time, I was kind of getting into new music, and when I started dating my high school boyfriend Jon, I got into a lot more music. Was I into really cool music in ninth grade? You bet your sweet bippy! My first concert was The Strokes in 2003. During freshman year, I attended a few more concerts and frequently blogged about them because they were the best time of my young life. Let me make this quite clear: I was not cool in high school. (I know, the fact that I kept a livejournal made you think that I was probably the coolest kid on the block, but alas it was not so.) I knew there was a thing called cool, and I kinda tried to do it, but I was not really talented in obtaining that, probably due to the trying thing. This blog was the most public forum in which I showed my insecurities, and it was by no means an attempt to impress anyone.

And then somebody began posting anonymously on my blog, and she was mean. To this day, I don't know who she was, but she was somebody from my junior high who had a big problem with me. I will never know why. She took issue with the fact that I seemingly "changed" when I got into high school and I was attempting to be "punk." (People didn't really use the term "hipster" or "indie" back then, but I think that would be a more fitting term for it.)

Here's a charming example of her overall bitchiness from July 10, 2004:

omg, you play guitar? to fit your new found image, you try too hard, but its funny. I bet you can even play a chord now! Please tell us when you learn to play a three chord song! omg maybe you will even become the next sheryl crowe!

And this gem about how people like me ruined Chuck Taylors:

I can't believe you think you are cool wearing pink converse...pink converse ruined Chuck Taylors are we know them, people like you and avril lavigne, goodcharlotte etc. ruined punk. YOU ARE A POSER. JUST FACE THE MUSIC (pop punk obviously) you don't know what the fuck you are doing, and if you went to a used concert or to warped tour you would be killed, and made fun of. You belong in theatre and ballet, don't rain on my parade and STOP RUINING EVERYTHING I LOVE YOU FUCKING POSER>aaaaaaah you anger me like no other.
I'm lizzie cross, i think i am punk, even though i only pretend in order to be popular, and i follow the trends. I pretend to be a punk because i want attention from my ex-boyfriend, altough he is a poser too! OMG JUST FUCK OFF AND GO BACK TO JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE,
you will never know the true meaning of converse, and obviously you are superficial if you want people to think your "converse" are dirty( i say this in quotation because pink converse aren't considered real, they are poser jessica simpson shit shoes)

(sic) for all of that, of course.

The funniest thing though, I was pathetic. I would openly admit to feeling pathetic on this blog, and this girl felt the need to tear me down more. I had much bigger fish to fry back then, and while it really bugged me that somebody would dislike me so much as to do that, there were plenty of things that were bringing me down more. I mean, let's be honest, high school is tough. Classes were harder than I could have imagined, and other personal shit was happening to me all at once. Today when I read my private diaries from then, I see that I was in such a dark place, I am barely recognizable.

Although my cyber bully was just being a mean girl and probably grew out of that phase in her life, and perhaps barely remembers it, my insecurities have been forever affected by those silly comments. Did she mean it? Was she just jealous? Was she dealing with her own shit? All of that is irrelevant since to this day my worldviews, and the way I view myself, are affected by it.

Her implication that my choice to change my image was somehow appropriating an underground "punk" culture for my own was perplexing. Apparently in that world, you have to be born punk. If you decide to get into new music when you are as old as 15, you are clearly being a poser.

Nowadays, I still have a bit of a complex that hipsters hate me because of this girl. The truth is, hipsters probably do not spend the energy hating me. They probably don't really even notice me, but I've always been wary of counter-culture type people, like hipsters, because of this young girl's criticisms years ago. In the back of my mind, a little bit of me assumes they have the same mindset as my anonymous commenter, that they think everybody should be raised indie or else they have no right listening to their special secret music.

And then there's the fact that every time I change my look, I fear that people will think I'm appropriating their special part of white privileged society, that I'm trying too hard to be something I'm not. Of course, this doesn't get to me as much as it used to, but it's still there, in the back of my mind, reminding me that when I change my aesthetic, I might be "posing." Fortunately, I have come to terms with and even romanticized the fact that as humans we are constantly changing. Two years ago was when I really started getting into cosmetics, and look at me now, it is one of my favorite pastimes. I didn't self-identify as a feminist until college, and the more I have gotten into feminism, the happier it has made me (I hope to blog about that soon.) I love changing, being a different person every day, because for me the only way to be true to myself is to allow myself to change.

These are the little things that stick with you. There's nothing we can do to keep kids from bullying each other, but the ages between 10 and 16 is such a vulnerable time for development. Although I know the words of a young girl shouldn't have this much of an effect on who I am, my emotional memory will not soon go away.

It makes me wonder if there's anything mean I ever did to somebody that affected her forever. I hope not, and I know I never did something on this scale, but I wouldn't be surprised if everybody has made an offhanded bitchy comment that really stuck. If there's anybody out there like that, I apologize.

In case you're wondering, there is a small part of me that wishes I knew who it was. I honestly truly believe that she is not a horrible person. Almost everyone who is bitchy like that in early high school grows out of it by the time they graduate and grows into a nice, normal member of society.

If you're feeling brave, comment and share an experience from high school or earlier that has forever affected your self-esteem. Or you could leave a comment about a friend of yours. I would love to hear other similar experiences.

The Appeal of Sex and the City

I have been spending way too much time watching Sex and the City. I have a long-running love affair with HBO comedies, so it's not too surprising that I am a fan and happen to own five of the six seasons on DVD. Plenty of people love the series, and if you haven't been living under a rock for the past decade, you probably know that it is an extremely popular franchise. However, Sex and the City seems to come under a lot of criticism. Sex and the City, much like Justin Bieber and Twilight, is a popular joke among teenage boys and those who act like them on the internet.

Rather than writing a defense of Sex and the City, I want to share my recent analysis of why I personally enjoy the show so much and what makes it so funny even now, thirteen years after its premier.

Of course, there are the age-old arguments that Sex and the City takes place in a fantasy world where a columnist like Carrie whose job consists of writing 600 words per week can afford such extravagant clothes, much less groceries. (And the going out! This whole show revolves around these women going out to hip bars and restaurants, and that shit gets expensive!) And while I agree that the lifestyle factors into the appeal, it can't be the only reason, since clearly not every show about rich people is wildly successful.

So here is my super in-depth analysis of the appeal of Sex and the City: Ladies like to talk about lady things.

This one simple sentence can be used to knock the show, and to insult women by implying that all women like is "lady things," but I think openly talking about fashion, sex, makeup and dating is what draws me to the show.

I have found that admitting to being into anything traditionally girly can signal a loss of credibility, or at least coolness in certain company. From the time I was a child, I can remember that girls who liked guy stuff were considered cool. I even remember considering myself a bit of a tomboy, even though I've never particularly enjoyed sports. I liked the idea of being a tomboy more than I would have liked being one.

Nowadays, my interests are varied. I'm passionate about theater, feminism, beer, television, nail polish, comedy, you name it (not sports!) But in a group of people of different genders, do I feel comfortable discussing lady things? Not really. I have to be afraid that I'll be categorized as one of those girls who always whines about inequality, or that I'll be like ALL female comedians who make jokes about periods. (I'm not sure it's possible to have seen every female comedian, but obviously somebody did when he began spreading this reliable fact.) In the fantasy land of Sex and the City, Carrie rarely gets chastised for her love of shoes. She is a grown-ass woman who lives in her own apartment and does what she wants with her money. Nobody marginalizes her passion for fashion as girlish frivolity. Carrie goes through life with her interests--sex and shopping--on her runway-fresh sleeve. Watching a show where traditionally womanly interests are not closeted or shameful makes me feel a little bit less ridiculous about the size of my ever-growing cosmetics collection.

And then of course there's the sex. These ladies speak openly about their sexuality, if only with each other. I don't have many friends who have as much sex as these women, but you don't have to be promiscuous to be able to relate to the sometimes awkward situations that arise in the show. Women are not encouraged to talk about their sexuality the same way that men are, and since it's honest, relatable and a little taboo, the comedy is golden. Does open conversation about women's sexuality make it a feminist show? Absolutely not, but even when I fully disagree with what Carrie and the gals say about men/women relations, it usually stirs up some interesting conversation with my own friends.

And last but certainly not least, it's fucking funny. The show is funny. It is a joke. Sometimes I think the teenage critics (who are obviously trolls that I shouldn't respond to) don't realize it's a comedy. Newsflash- if you laugh because it's being overly dramatic, that may have been a joke.

So I will sit here, paint my nails and sip my $3 latte while watching Sex and the City because my apartment is a safe-haven for lovers of all things girly, thankyouverymuch.

Oh, and on a side note: what's up with people putting down the show because they don't think Sarah Jessica Parker is pretty? You're entitled to your own opinion, and I can certainly see where you're coming from, but by using that tactic, you imply that every woman has to look like a model for you to enjoy a television show. That's a little strange.

In other news, I missed a post on Sunday because my friends were in town and I got a brand new cat who distracted me. Meet Olive, everyone:

Revised Resolutions

I love Mondays. I know that it's strange, but I can't be the only one. Ever since high school, I have loved a fresh new week. You grab your planner and write down all of the lofty things you will accomplish that week. How that week is going to be better than the last. How everything you fucked up last week can be fixed and you will be the one to fix it.

It's just like what we all do at the beginning of a new school year. "This year, I'm going to keep everything organized!" "This year, I'm going to go over my notes after class so that I really know I've got it!" Of course, that always falls through pretty fast, but I've always been one for resolutions whether it's a new year, new school year, new semester or simply a new week. There's always room for self-improvement, and although we never really have a clean slate in front of us, Mondays always have that feeling for me.

Yesterday, I went "school supply" shopping, even though I'm not in school anymore. I feel like late August may be the best time to go office supply shopping due to back-to-school sales. I got a plastic file folder to put paid bills and other papers in. Because this year I'm going to be organized! I got some sharpies, because ours keep dying. And I got two desk organizer items that accommodate my ever-expanding makeup collection. For only $5, I got a rotating desk organizer that is perfect for holding eye brushes and lipsticks, which rocks because my lipsticks were pretty disorganized before.

Today, I stumbled upon my new years resolutions for 2011. Let's see how they hold up and revise the ones that are still feasible in a different way.

1. Better Budgetting
This is a goal every month. It's just a lot of work to keep track of all of the money I spend and make. I know that I should, but I have not been too good at this since I left the dorms last March.

2. Be a Much Better Housekeeper
Little by little, I'm improving. My room is still a disaster area, but I've become better and better about keeping common areas like the living room, dining room, bathroom and kitchen clean. Since I moved out of my old apartment, none of these places have become quite as disgusting as they had there. Although, to be fair, my old apartment was relatively disgusting when I moved in. My plan for my room (once I finally clean the thing,) is to just take it one day at a time. Instead of making a resolution "I will keep my room neat all month!" I will just do it each day for as long as I can, and that is all I can do.

3.Reduce screen time to one hour per day.
In this one, I am talking about watching movies/tv/netfix. This is never going to happen. This resolution has been aborted. I am coming to terms with the fact that I watch a lot of TV. I justify it by reminding myself that TV is what I want to do "when I grow up." Because that makes up for the hour and a half of Jersey Shore I watched when I was supposed to be cleaning my room on Saturday. Right.

4. Travel to one other continent!
I can't afford it!

5. Work out 5 hours per week, complete the Carleton Triathlon
I completed the Triathlon! Check! My new goal has been revised to work out 6 days per week, and that's ambitious. I try to do 30 minutes of cardio 4 or 5 days a week and 1 hour of cardio 1 or 2 days per week. I actually have been accomplishing this goal. It's awesome.

6. Get a tattoo
Haven't gotten one yet. Still want to. Too scared of commitment at this point.

7. Try one new recipe per week
I don't know how I expected to do this while I was still in college, but here in the real world, it has become easier to try new things. Last week I made baked ziti for me and Mira, which was burnt but awesome. Last night Mira and I had a girlfriend from college over for dinner and I made mojitos, that's a recipe, right? One of these days I'm going to make steak!


Now having seen that list that I wrote on January 1st, I'm actually surprised what is included on it and what is not. I would think "Move out of my parents' house" would be included, since I was pretty dead-set on doing that upon graduation.

The new school year is a good time, at least for me, to make new resolutions and revise the old ones because everything from the summer is slowing down and getting less crazy. It's time for me to fall into a routine, despite my ever changing shifts at my hourly job. It might even be time for me to get a pet, since I will be spending more time in the house and less time at music festivals. I really want a cat. Really bad. This time next week, maybe I will have one.

How to plan a first date in four easy steps

First, I am going to ask your forgiveness for using female pronouns almost exclusively for the object of your desire. Of course you could plan a date with a guy or any other gender, and these rules still apply. However, this post does center around traditional first-dates, which many of us modern 20-somethings may not have a taste for. Although, I must say, they have their place.

It is actually very simple when it comes down to it. I have broken it down into four easy steps for you. This formula is great for planning a first date with a new interest, or for finding something special to do with somebody you're already with when you want to treat him/her.

1. Find out when she is free

This is actually the hardest step of all. Clearly, the asking can be the hardest part for many reasons, not the least of which is making sure the person you're interested in knows it's a date. We all remember that episode of Friends when Rachel tries to ask a cute client on a date for the first time and he thinks that she is gifting him two tickets to a basketball game rather than asking him out. OOPS! (by the way, when I say "We all remember," I really mean "I can't be the only one who remembers this... right?")

So yeah, you have to find out when she is available, and she has to know that it is actually for a date, not some friend chillout time, not some big group outing, but a real date. Since this post is about planning the date, not asking people out, I do not have to give you advice on that. What a relief.

2. Find out what cool stuff is happening that day

If you live in a city like Chicago, there's always cool stuff going on, much of which is cheap or free and pretty darn interesting. Check out any kind of listings you can find. Here, the Chicago Reader or Time Out Chicago may be of service to you. There are free movies in the park every night, there are always comedy shows, there's always pretty cheap music to see, etc. You should never be at a loss for something to do, but try to pick something a little bit off the beaten path. Getting creative makes you look like a smarter and more thoughtful person, and bitches love the smart, thoughtful types. But seriously, when you pick something a little more creative, you have a unique shared experience with this person, rather than something run-of-the-mill that she will be quick to forget.

If you live in the country, go see a movie or something. I don't know what the hell else people do in the country. Bowling? Do they go bowling? I dunno. I'm not gonna hate on you for being uncreative if there are no creative choices available to you.

Here's an example of a really unique date I was asked on once. About two and a half years ago, in the dead of winter, a new acquaintance asked me to go swimming with him. We went out to dinner and snuck into the pool at a nearby hotel. It was super creative, and obviously I have yet to forget it.

3. Find a nice restaurant near your chosen activity

Finding nice restaurants is surprisingly easy. Checkout urbanspoon.com, one of the easiest ways to find out what restaurants are most popular in a given area. A lot of the restaurants have the menu included so you'll know what you're getting into price-wise. Don't feel pressured to take your date to the most expensive restaurant. Atmosphere is far more important than price, and any girl of real value will be just as able to fall for you over a $30 dinner as a $100 dinner. If you have never been to the restaurant, be sure to read plenty of reviews (yelp, anyone?) before deciding. If any reviews have the word "romantic" in them, you're golden.

When you decide on a restaurant, make a reservation, even if your date is on a weekday. They say "You can't hurry love," but pausing it because of insufficient planning cannot be good.

4. Figure out transportation and show up

Driving? Cabbing? Training? Whichever you choose, plan it out before the date. You don't want to get your directions all mixed up and be late for your reservation, do you? Then just comb your hair, wear some nice shoes and show up on time.

Here's an example of a recent date I went on that would have been perfect, except it was a friend date:

I met up with my good buddy George and we had dinner at a really great Asian restaurant that is kind of off-the-beaten-path. Afterwards, we headed over to the Goose Island brewpub in Wrigleyville and enjoyed a couple of beers. We ended the night with an improv show at iO, only steps away from Goose Island. All in all, it was a very enjoyable night, and it would probably make a pretty nice first date.

So clearly, this formula isn't rigid. If you go to a movie in the park and have the kind of time/talent to plan a picnic, that's fine. If you decide to go to a different place for drinks before dinner, just make sure to research it just as much as the restaurant. If you have a favorite place you would like to take your date for dessert, that would be adorable. The formula simply makes it very easy to plan the always important first date.

As I mentioned earlier, I hate traditional dates, but honestly, some girls really go for that shit, and it does have its place.

A Long Night's Journey into Bed

This post will recount my journey home last Friday night (Sorry, is that song stuck in your head? My bad.)

Quick note: my journey to the bar was not without event, seeing as a guy came up to me and began speaking to me in Spanish while I was waiting on the street for a friend. Awesome.

I was having after-work drinks at Hubbard Inn at Hubbard and Clark. This could be one of my new favorite bars. It is pricey, just like every bar in that neighborhood, but it was actually super fun. Anyway, we basically closed the bar down, leaving at around 1:45. My very gentlemanly friend Big Sean walked me to the Red Line stop at Grand and State.

When the train arrived, I grabbed an available seat and soon found out that we were riding express that night. We skipped about 4 stops on my way home, so I'm not complaining about that.

Then, I coughed.

The guy next to me said "Bless you." And then after a brief pause, he said "I couldn't tell if that was a cough or a sneeze."

After I informed him that it was indeed a cough, but thanks for blessing me, we engaged in a very enjoyable exchange about how it is a strange custom that people will acknowledge sneezes, but not other bodily functions, like farts for instance. He asked me, in the least sketchy way, where I was going. I said I live between the Addison and Belmont stops, but that I would be getting off at Addison that night because it is better lit and feels a lot more safe walking from the L.

After we had been enjoying each other's company for a good few minutes, he mentioned that we would never remember each other, pretty much ensuring that I would remember him. I told him that when I get famous, he should remember me. I suppose that was a kind of strange thing to say, given I had not explained my grand aspirations to him. He told me that I should just remember the logo and pointed to his polo.

"You're just trying to brag that you're a Marine!" I responded when I saw the logo. He admitted that yes, he was bragging a little bit. We continued to discuss Marines, what it's like, and whether they're actually as mean as their reputation suggest, and then my stop came. I guess that doesn't count as him picking me up, since he didn't get my name or number or anything, but perhaps it counts as him chatting me up, and I don't really mind.

Upon exiting the train, I saw a lot of guys in football jerseys. All different NFL jerseys. I decided to ask one of them what it was about, and it turns out there was a big Fantasy Football draft that night, or something. I began to think about how jocks can be nerds too. Anybody who cares that much about anything, especially something with the word "Fantasy" in the title, is clearly a nerd. The idea that through the ages jocks and nerds have not been categorized together seems contradictory to the fact that sports enthusiasts devote hours to Fantasy Leagues...

I began walking South on Clark away from Wrigley Field, and within the two blocks it took me to get to my apartment, I got the opportunity to observe a young lady in a mini dress and heels engaging in some public urination while congenially chatting with some cops, who were presumably trying to get her to stop peeing/move. She didn't seem stressed at all about the cops catching her, and she insisted that she would be done in a minute. I assume the cops felt at a bit of a loss, since they are probably much more used to keeping guys from peeing on the street than girls. I didn't stare for long, but they really didn't seem to be doing much other than talking with her.

After some dude passing me on the street decided to tell me to "smile," I made it home to my bed, my head packed with memories of the last 25 minutes and the type of people you meet on the street at 2am.

Why does Lizzie have a blog?

So this will just be a quick introductory post about me and why I decided to start blogging.

I have been saying for a while now that I want to be a writer, whatever that is. In fact, when I was quite young, I used to think I wanted to be a writer until I realized that I didn't like books that much. In recent years, I have learned that there are other types of writers! (I know, it's hard to believe, but it is very exciting when you wrap your mind around it.)

Jokes aside, I don't really enjoy discussing what I want to do with my life. Yes, I want to be a writer. Specifically, I would like to be a TV writer in the field of comedy. Why don't I like talking about it? Because it just seems so unlikely. When someone asks you what you're doing after college and you reply "Well, I want to be the next Tina Fey," it just comes off as delusional. And to be fair, that's not exactly what I want. I admire and respect the woman as much as (more than?) the next guy, but obviously I want to be me, with my brand of humor and my very own flavor.

So where do you begin when you want to be a writer? Everybody's path is different, but one thing I've been told over and over again is that if you want to be a writer, you have to write. Practice, develop your tone, find your voice. So here I am, writing a blog. I would love to someday have some kind of focused, marketable blog that will make me very rich and famous, but this one is not the thing. This blog is for exactly what I mentioned above: practice. And if my friends and loved ones decide to read along and learn a little bit about my navigation of post-college life, all the better.

So sit back, enjoy and please comment!

Posts will be on Sundays and Thursdays. Don't make fun of me for cheating on this one.

What I learned when my car got totaled

As you may have heard, my car recently got totaled. Don't worry about me, I am fine. And that is one of the things I learned. First, the story.

I agreed to drive all the way out to Palatine Il one evening, about 45 minutes (without traffic) from my apartment, about 45 minutes from my parents' house in the suburbs. This place is not close. The reason I went out there is actually a craigslist job I had found to attend the concert of a popular Chicago cover band and ask people at the bar to sign up for the mailing list. I showed up at 10:30, and the band didn't begin playing till 11:45, this was gonna be a late night. In fact, I left just about halfway through their set, banked the $40 I was promised and headed out. It was about 1:15Am.

I left the building, and it was pouring. I had no idea how long it had been raining, and I ran to my little mini cooper, safely parked in a nearby parking garage. The first intersection I drove into was flooded with water. It being the early morning, I could not see that well. Also, I have never driven into water so deep that my car couldn't get through it, so I forged ahead until my car decided to stop driving in the middle of the intersection. I tried to get it out to no avail and proceeded to call 911, unsure if this was enough of an emergency to warrant an emergency call. The nice lady who answered instructed me to get out of my car. I didn't want to open the door, so I opened the window and climbed out. Perhaps not the best plan, but you see what you do in this situation.

By the time the emergency vehicles showed up, two more cars were stuck in the same intersection. Had it not been raining like hell, I might have been able to stop them, but that wasn't possible in that situation. I approached the firefighter and asked him what I should do. He responded (verbatim) "Honestly, right now, you're fucked." Another person who got stuck in the intersection was a really nice kid who lived about a block away and invited me to his house to call friends/family and find a ride out of there.

So, on to the lessons.

1. I do not panic.

Upon hearing this story, a lot of people have asked me if I was scared. I have to admit, I was a little freaked out, but I would never describe myself as scared. Rather than worry about what was going to happen to my car, I focused on what I was doing in each moment to get myself to a dry, warm place. I didn't cry until the next day when my insurance agent told me that my car was probably totaled. After the whole ordeal, I was pretty damn proud of myself for remaining level-headed that night and during the following days.

2. I have amazing friends.

At the time this happened, my parents were out of town. As much as they were the first people I wanted to call, I knew that they couldn't do anything at that time (now about 2am) except freak out, and I wasn't going to do that to them. I called cab companies, and none of them were willing to go out to Palatine (most of it was flooded.) At 2:30 in the morning, I attempted to call one of my best friends from home. Sean seemed likely to still be awake at 2:30 on a Saturday morning, a time when I wouldn't bother most people. Sean was with our friend Kamil, and as soon as I got in contact with them, they began doing everything in their power to come rescue me. They had been drinking, but Sean was DD, so he was prepared to drive out to get me. They spent a good amount of time switching cars so that they could have an SUV to get through the puddles. It took them hours to travel to Palatine, since nearly every road was closed. At one point, somewhere around their 5th attempted route, they found a police officer and asked the best way to get to Palatine. He replied "Turn around, go to that parking lot, and sleep in your car." These guys did no such thing. They persisted, until they found the route that led them to me.

I am so lucky to have people like this who have my back. Everybody has flaws, quirks, eccentricities, but when you find people with this kind of dedication to cut their partying short and drive for hours on a rainy Saturday morning, well, I'm just gonna say they're keepers. I got home to my parents' house at 5am.

3. Never underestimate good insurance.

Not much more to elaborate here except: Thanks, State Farm. When they totaled my car, they really took care of me. I never intend to go without good coverage. I don't want to sound like a commercial, but seriously.

Alright, well I supposed that was as good a post as any for my maiden voyage into blogging.