Two Paths

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

and sorry I could not travel both

and be one traveler, long I stood

and looked down one as far as I could

to where it bent in the undergrowth

-Robert Frost

This poem might be one of the most quoted in the English language, but maybe that's because plenty of people have felt like this at one point or another. We all find ourselves at places where we will have to make difficult decisions that seem to be telling of the rest of our lives. This poem has been used in senior quotes, commencement speeches, pretty much everything that is used to inspire young people as they go into their lives.

However, despite the constant use of this particular work, I do not find it to be over-quoted. I think it means a lot to a lot of people because it is such an integral part of the human experience- trying to decide between two paths. And even though you can see the beginning of the path and your immediate future should you choose that path, you can't be sure where that path will lead.

I personally don't really believe in paths. Life is little more than a pathless random walk. You may think you're going one direction but not be at all. You never have just two choices and you're never stuck on a path. If you go down one road, you can get off of it. You might wander into the woods somewhere and not be sure where you are, but if you hate your current path, that is always a possibility. I think one of the worst things about college is that when people get out of it they think they're making a decision for the rest of their lives, that this decision is mutually exclusive from all other paths. Not so.

So enough abstraction. Let's talk about what's actually going on with me and why I need to think about paths and callings and the like.

Some people are lucky enough to have a calling. When I watched the HBO documentary "Gloria: In Her Own Words" about Gloria Steinem, I remember not only admiring all of the work that she did to further a cause that she believed in but also envying the fact that she had such a strong calling that she could throw her heart, soul, time and compassion into. She had the inspiration, drive and talent to accomplish more social organization and as a result change than most people can even dream of.

I, however, do not feel so lucky. As you well know, I would like to be a writer, preferably a comedy writer for television, and I am in the fetus stages of that career. I'm taking classes, trying to get funnier, trying to write as often as possible and networking a little bit. They are baby steps. The babiest of baby steps.

The scariest thing about entering a career like this is the sheer volume of people that are interested in the exact same thing. As I mentioned in an earlier post, when somebody asks me what I want to be when I grow up, it's hard for me to say "I want to be the next Tina Fey." Now that I've thought more about it, I realize that it's hard for me to say that because it's hard for me to believe that it's possible. When people have given me advice to "Believe in Yourself!" I never considered how difficult that truly is. I see all of the hundreds of people going through classes at Second City and iO, and I think about how many of us there are and how few Kristen Wiigs there are. Instead of visualizing myself as the person on top, I give myself the numbers, consider the probability. I guess I have to go the Han Solo route and never tell myself the odds.

So that's one path. Comedy! Writing! And I know the path will be very long before I find how fruitful my results will be.

Along with my fetus of a comedy career, I have recently begun searching for a "real job." I'm looking for a full time day job that would be challenging and interesting but also give me enough time to still work on my writing and pursue that. So I submitted my resume to Monster and pretty much immediately was contacted by about half a dozen companies who were recruiting and wanted to consider me for their positions. And people said this job search thing was hard? pah! Anyway, with this whole career question in the air and my first proactive step on the web, this week has been a very busy week.

On Monday, I had a meeting with a career counselor/therapist that my mother set me up with. I thought I would chat with him about what kind of a day job might fit my criteria, but we mostly talked about comedy and how to go about doing what I truly want to do. That was ok, because it really did inspire me to put myself out there when it comes to my dream career. He gave me an assignment to contact all of the writers I can and ask them about their jobs and about how they got to where they are. This has made me very nervous, but I think it will get easier and easier as it goes on.

Yesterday, I had an interview at a small financial firm. I've had an idea for a while that I might be interested in finance, so it was kind of cool that they called me and asked me into their office, although I was really nervous, since I don't have any experience in finance or in business at all. The interview was super long. First, I and six other candidates attended at 1.5 hour presentation about what the company does, what our role would be and what the recruiting process is like. I found out that the first 90 days is a lot of classes and tests, trying to get 4 certifications and that I would be working about 50 hours a week. After the presentation, we all sat in a room at completed an assessment that took about an hour and a half more. The assessment included an 18 minute math section that I thought I bombed. I finished first, but I was disheartened. I couldn't believe that I would do so badly on math, the one thing I am good at.

I sat in the lobby and waiting for the results of my assessment. I was called into the conference room with the recruiter. I was sure that the results would be terrible, that I would have scored very low. She told me "the assessment is on a scale of 1 to 10, and we look for people with a 5 or above." And all this time I'm thinking there's no way. "So you got a 9," she said. What? A 9? In an assessment of my compatibility with the industry, I received a 9 out of 10. I think it speaks to my intuition because I obviously have no training or experience in this field. Maybe I'm just well-suited to it. We made an appointment for a second interview the next day.

Today I went in for my second interview. It was relatively short. I met with another gentleman who works at the company and he explained to me what a typical workweek would look like. I was surprised to find out that this job would expect 60 hours per week from me. 60. Plus an hour commute both ways 6 days a week. For those of you doing the math at home, that is 72 hours a week. Needless to say, signing on to this job might be the nail in the coffin of my comedy pursuits. However, if I wanted to commit myself fully to finance, this job would be awesome. It is challenging and fast paced with a ton of invaluable training. And oh yeah, it pays pretty well too. I would get to learn new things all the time and work with many different types of people, and I think I would truly enjoy it as a profession.

So now here I am. I have the talent and the skill for one business, and I know that I could be successful at it within a couple of years. And then I have the inspiration to pursue something else, but it is unclear whether I will ever be successful at it. Should I pick the path that says "you can definitely do this today." Or follow the path that says "you will know if you've got what it takes in about 5-10 years." And if I don't take a day job in finance, will I be able to find a day job that will challenge me and interest me as much as this one has?

At this point, I am trying to keep my mind open to both options while exploring other leads I have for possible career paths that will not be as time consuming. I've got to shop around a little to see what I can get.